The Big Flocker – Pranks About D&D Terrain Taken Too Far

flocker_01A few years back one of our contributors, J, introduced me to the world of terrain building. More specifically; how to build tabletop battlegrounds for Dungeons and Dragons from scratch. Like anything else in the world of miniatures, crafting custom set-pieces takes time, materials, and effort.

Given that my spirit-animal is a soggy beanbag chair, my natural instinct is to find the cheapest, laziest shortcut possible. That is how I found my one true love–Flocking. Continue reading

Couple Defend Their In-Utero Trans Daughter

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Jacob and Martha Tomlain-Greene have come forward publicly to defend the rights of children to choose which gender they identify with, starting with their own unborn daughter. The couple from Portland Oregon first became aware of their daughter’s gender identity issues after attending a seminar at their local learning annex. Continue reading

90% Americans Are “Going Through The Motions” Until Next Game Of Thrones Episode

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A new study published in Ethical Psychology Annual shows that most, if not all Americans, are maintaining steady jobs and personal relationships as a coping mechanism between new episodes of HBO’s hit series, Game Of Thrones. Activities like positive social interaction, meaningful communication, and problem solving are on the decline, as avid watchers of the series are more likely to spark long-lasting feuds between neighbors and co-workers to fill the dull hours. Continue reading

Worldwide Aeros Corporation Makes Terran Command Center a Reality

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Worldwide Aeros Corporation is seeking funding for its ML866, a rigid airship capable of lifting 66 tons of payload. They also have designs for the ML868  which can sling 250 tons into the sky, and the ML86X, which could theoretically haul 500 tons of material into the wild blue yonder. Considering the potential complications that could occur while flying  with the equivalent of a dozen humpback whales, it can be generally agreed upon by everyone that 500 tons of anything falling on you would ruin your day, be it maple syrup, fertilizer, or silicon duplicates of Ron Jeremy’s yardstick. Continue reading

Caffeine Buddy

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Do you ever feel yourself slipping into the deep dark void of unconsciousness, and wish you could claw your way back to the light? Ever feel you could get more done if you quit sleeping altogether? Introducing the new Caffeine Buddy! Your only friend in a world full of nagging, exhausting demands. With the Caffeine Buddy, you have the freedom to choose when you sleep, if ever!

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Donald Trump Dies: Hair Seeks Symbiot

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The world is in mourning today as Donald J. Trump passes, leaving a grieving widow and five loving children behind. At an estimated net worth of 3.2 Billion, citizens are left wondering what the hell Trump actually did for a living, aside from starring on his own reality TV show and being really, really rich.

Trump’s Hair, however, has gone public with the declaration that it will be seeking a new host-body. As it is considered a parasite, the red-blonde mop of wavy mind-strands will not be awarded any of Trump’s estate. However, the parasite claims it that it has retained all of the intellectual capacity of the multi-billionare, and could be a significant boon to anyone who bonds with it.

trillTrump’s hair of course was the inspiration for the race known as the “Trill” on the science-fiction show Star Trek. Writers of The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine chose to portray the memory-storing aliens as brain-bug crabs, stating that; “Crabs that curl around someone’s spinal column are more believable.” And; “Trump’s hair is too damn creepy. Our [viewers] expect strange, but not that strange…”