A Very WTF Christmas Poem

I wrote this for my niece and nephews and wasn’t planning to share, but what the hell. Here’s my version of Moore’s Night Before Christmas… for kids.


‘Twas the eve before Christmas

And all through the night

Not a creature was stirring

Except for the fight…


Brewing out back

Between heroes and gods,

with lasers and ray-guns

and robots in squads


Iron Man was shooting

And blasting with glee,

While turtles fought raptors

And cars raced Grand Prix


Batman was flying

Somewhere overhead,

And gangs of street clowns

Were brawling for “Cred”


By now a small voice

May be in your ear;

“Joe doesn’t know children,

His mind’s gone, it’s clear.”


“Of course I don’t”

I say, in slippers and robe.

“But I’m not the villain,

I’m just getting old.”


No, the real villain was Joker

With Ultron in tow,

Come to rain fire

On houses below.


But Batman was quick

To realize the danger,

He rode his T-Rex

Right up to the strangers.


They fought and they tussled,

And T-Rex reared back,

Then Hulk served the bad guys

Up as a snack.


Malcolm was laughing

That life finds a way,

And Ultron exploded

Saving the day.


So it was that Christmas

Was once again peaceful,

Because toy stores are open

To all of the people.


Now settle in cozy

With your piles of toys,

And dream of adventure

For good girls and boys.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s