Under the Hood: An Autobot Biography

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In a new tell-all Hollywood biography, decorated veteran of the autobot-decepticon wars, Optimus Prime, has released some stunning details about his fellow autobots. Inspired by recent biographies of Heidi Fleiss and Mark Mcgwire, Optimus Prime (Also known as Prime-O by his crew) made several controversial statements.

“…He was high as a kite most the time.” Prime wrote, Referring to fellow autobot Bumblebee. “Voice damage? No. He just couldn’t trust his real voice without sounding like he’d done a line of Spark. We autobots don’t get red eyes or dry noses. It’s in the voice.”

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Optimus Prime, author of Under the Hood: An Autobot Biography

Optimus expanded on this in later chapters, saying; “I remember one morning after he’d had too much spark. He was shaking a human male like a ragdoll on the side of the highway, screeching the lyrics of ‘I’m so excited’ by The Pointer Sisters. That was when we all knew Bumblebee had a problem.”

Bumblebee hasn’t been the only autobot to confront Optimus’s accusations either. Weapon specialist and ex-team member Ironhide has filed several legal suits, claiming defamation of character and libel. When confronted by cameras leaving the courtroom, Ironhide was quoted as saying; “Prime wants to paint me as a villain. Prime’s [Book] makes me look like a hillbilly gun-nut and a killer. I was acquitted in 1990. But here I am again, defending my name.”

Ironhide is of course referring to the slaying of 13 civilians after his arm-cannons discharged into a public transit bus. It was later found by forensics that he was aiming for Starscream, and that the previous accusations of a racially motivated attack were unfounded.

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