Department Of Transportation To Use New Warning Signs: Blood Splatters

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Crossing signs go unheeded. Pedestrian and school zones are violated frequently by speeding vehicles. White crosses bearing the names of deceased loved ones with offerings of flowers and teddy bears line busy highways. Yet motor vehicle crashes are still the leading cause of injury-related deaths in the US, accounting for nearly 34,000 fatalities back in 2010. 10% of these were pedestrian.

The inadequacy of neon warning signs has led to a heated debate among traffic experts. After all, who could spot a glowing orange diamond the size of a Walmart shopper tucked away on a busy street corner, warning pedestrians of a possibly brutal demise should they try to “frogger” their way across the lanes? Or a bright white square with a red circle of death? These “warnings”, if they are noticed at all, barely register as a challenge to the average pedestrian.

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Artist’s representation of the old highway system.

The answer, according the the Department of Transportation–Painted Blood Splatters to indicate scenes of previously gruesome violence. “If  a pedestrian could really see where others have failed to make it across, he might think twice about leaping into the sweet embrace of oncoming traffic.”

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This solution has since come under public scrutiny, as many believe it will damage the self esteem of pedestrians, who may feel the blood-spatters along the highway are a personal attack against their weight and age. One pedestrian told our interviewer; “I’m not too overweight, y’know? I can make it.”

No_Crossing_03Another complaint has been lodged against the department for using super-slick, oil-based paint for the highway splatter marks.

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