Blizzard Announces They Will Pander To Most Loyal Customers: Hackers And Gold Farmers

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After years of hurt feelings between players and game developers over at Blizzard, the company that brought us World of Warcraft, Starcraft, and Diablo has announced their intentions to reward their most loyal customer base; hackers and gold farmers.

Blizzard_02One of Blizzard’s most successful attempts to give Chinese gold farmers and account-hackers what they wanted, came in the form of the PC game Diablo III. The real-money auction house in D3 was an inspired decision, taking what could have been a devastatingly playable and addictive game into a sinkhole for non-hacker players to thrown money into. The loss of in-game items due to accounts being hacked, monetary losses, and the aggravation of having to use authenticators that didn’t come with the games themselves, scared away casual players in droves leaving Diablo safe for Blizzard’s core audience.

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Odds you’ll kill Diablo: 78%.
Odds you’ll get hacked: 93%.

The company’s latest creative moves have been the additions of Kung-Fu Panda into their WoW franchise, and the return of Kerrigan to the Zerg in the new expansion Heart of the Swarm. It is anticipated that these developments will return everything story-wise to status quo, and eliminate any forward progress either game line was in danger of making.

(Final Note: Like everything else, this post is fictional and completely fabricated out of whole, rotten cloth.)

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