Lawmakers of SOPA and PIPA Introduce STOTWAT – Stop Thinking Of Things We’ve Already Thought

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The scare of SOPA and PIPA forcing websites to censor themselves back into the dark ages has passed, yet a new threat has arisen on the horizon. Lawmakers are now presenting arguments for a new, bolder act. Stop Thinking Of Things We’ve Already Thought.

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As broad and damaging as SOPA and PIPA could have been, congress has agreed (by a majority of 73%) that it wasn’t all-encompassing and mind blowing enough. They now aim to yank artistic license and free speech back to a better era. An era when serfs knew enough not to talk behind the backs of their betters.

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“If a consumer can post images of whatever he/she wants, or write whatever he/she wants, I view that as piracy. And piracy is a violation of every law I can think of.” Said a red-state representative during a lukewarm 30-minute filibuster. “A consumer that can think is like a black-hole with a mind, or a cow that can draw funny images of the farmer doing compromising things. I like my cows complacent. And I think we can all agree it’s unacceptable to have farm animals sharing the same thoughts as us.”

The document outlining STOTWAT is a lengthy, unreadable text that Mephistopheles couldn’t unravel, spanning some 800 pages, and covering unrelated subjects such as inter-species xenomorph marriage, the rights of gun ownership by family pets, and how many pedestrians politicians are allowed to run down before bumper replacement becomes mandatory.  The final vote will be held this June, during what congress is now referring to as “The Gathering of Overlords.”

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